signs of september

quiet moments find me soft in the stream of lights, forcing their presence through the cracks in the blinds.

sleepy eyes turned watery eyes, dreamy eyes falling quietly back asleep. in the comfort of your security blanket. arms wrapped perfectly around my waist, up around my chest, your hand holds me tight.

the morning brings a slight chill that comes in the beginning,

and with our bodies close, you keep me warmer still..

in my dreams i find you again, with the sunny day broken and spread across you. and like the ocean’s breeze, you move me..

warm glow, solitude

straight to the head.

blurry blind.

forgetful fool. you should remember better. like a warm coat, it feeds.

instead you walk blind. talking and talking to everyone but you . delirious and drunk in the moment. a stupid movement.

a numbing drive home.

an empty love nest. with a warm glowing, solitude.

and i want nothing but a click of the front door lock,

and nothing but me to be alone for just a while longer.

in my head.

pulled out of the wreck.

forgetful fool. you should remember better. like a warm coat, it feeds.

instead you walk blind. talking and talking..

delirious and drunk.

in the moment. with a warm glow, solitude.

888

so gloomy my spirit soaks the pain up. straight on the rocks.

 

i say one thing and you hear the other. and i feel you pick a scab that was never really there. defendant at loss, i always fight back. the tough skin on me knows nothing else. you surely can relate..

 

clear thoughts cant tame the sharp tongue in our heat of moments. jabbing, stabbing, and sick with myself. i curb the enthusiasm and feel almost shameful.

 

and when the coast becomes clear, i keep trying to balance the angst you and i may share. but sometimes the teeter totters too much to our left and the ebb and flow of you and i are wrecked a mess.

 

silly game, we never can win. so we separate emotions to cover the hole that we’re in.

worried and wondering

and the only time i can cooperate

the only time i will give it up is if you hurt me. torture me. put nails through my spine.

watch the blood leave nothing but words behind.

 

silent keeper of the quiet riot.

you believe in your moment.

 

and the only time i give up is yours.

the lonely lifestyle of you and me. beat to the core. so what’s left behind?

 

nothing.

 

but a fragment of heart beats.. that don’t speak.

 

thursday in june

such a glutton for punishment.

it will never grow tiresome, this struggle to make you love me.

after many afternoons pass me under my closed eyes,

i can feel the tiny knots in my stomach growing stronger..

and i find my rest is necessary.

some sort of service to myself and everyone else.

a ceremony to bring new light to your unforeseen bother.

when i wake, the music helps

isolated, and able to lay it out.

slowly. and quiet.

and when i hear the snap of the key at the front door.

i know i will find you, willing and lovable again.

redeeming all actions with every bit of gentleness.

and your influence will prove to be lusty once more.

with perfect timing.

breakaway

chest bare to this new feel. i look towards the hallway and find it empty. i don’t see you looking in at me, comforted in my pureness.  i’m catching water with my hands.  i’m swimming in the pools with hungry Puranas. asking to be eating alive.

eyes wet still from the mornings dew of you and me apart. i find solace in every day movement. i find energy hiding in the discomfort of my heart.  creating something out of this nothing.

 

and i don’t ask for much. a voice in the stagnant air we breathe.  that would break me away pleased.

 

instead you keep pushing away.  softened up enough to make the effort with my controlled thoughts. trying to quiet the demons inside you. don’t you know i feel it too? pulling at this ache i keep finding within you.  discarding my own torment. i’m fighting against the current.  i’m aiming for your lighthouse without knowing the difference of an anchor to keep my boat from straying, or if in fact to sink me.

 

tell me you need me

 

instead you keep me guessing. with no courage.

24

this is how i feel..

the year has ended.. perhaps it isn’t quite what you thought it would be.. it isn’t quite what you thought i would be. i felt it more in the last 24 hours, but i can tell you nothing…

perhaps your hard knock life brings you to a catapult.. these 24 hours..

and the blame comes down..

 

too much for my own good.. what am i anyways?..

 

..and the blue light warms my face. sleepy drunk.. sleep quiet now.

but it wont rest. like a band-aid pulled from a freshly healed wound.

maybe now you can feel it?

maybe..

 

too much for my own.. whatever that means..

 

i found you silly, laughing at yourself again. wishing for more than the deep end of a nerve. you felt the tear form in the corner, and you smiled.

finally, all that you waited for. all those hours meant nothing to your twelve.

 

quiet

in your movements, i steal quiet moments alone with you.

you don’t see them, you rarely notice.

but i like to hide weak in your strength when i can.

because sometimes i feel. sometimes i hide soft for you to discover.

because sometimes my skin tightens for you to notice.

lips wet, eyes glisten.

muscles loose enough for you to reach right in and hold me.

 

in the quiet of the night, my wheels spin.

your liberties

numb.

when i close my eyes all i see is deep reds and oranges.

and i am tired.

and the sounds flood my bloodstream.

keeping emotions bottled is required.

don’t you see?

i don’t have the liberties you have.

i now hide, i squirm in the covers to find a cool place.

weakened with restraint.

alone in my widening space.

don’t you see?

cant you feel the glacial coat i wear?

and it just feels i drift further and further

covers only hide so much.

in this fortune full abyss.