the afternoon came along with the ache of your absence. i miss you now. more in this moment than i have in the months passed. this afternoon found me tired. and i just wanted to call you. i wanted to hear you call me your baby. but i can’t, just like i can’t seem to find the words inside me anymore. as if you left me and took my pen and paper with you.
the afternoon held me close to the ground. it’s heavier than i remember, this misfortune. i try to center myself in the disadvantage, keep my eye on the prize, and as i lean into it, i find you. i find your signal.

chest bare to this new feel. i look towards the hallway and find it empty. i don’t see you looking in at me, comforted in my pureness.  i’m catching water with my hands.  i’m swimming in the pools with hungry Puranas. asking to be eating alive.

eyes wet still from the mornings dew of you and me apart. i find solace in every day movement. i find energy hiding in the discomfort of my heart.  creating something out of this nothing.

 

and i don’t ask for much. a voice in the stagnant air we breathe.  that would break me away pleased.

 

instead you keep pushing away.  softened up enough to make the effort with my controlled thoughts. trying to quiet the demons inside you. don’t you know i feel it too? pulling at this ache i keep finding within you.  discarding my own torment. i’m fighting against the current.  i’m aiming for your lighthouse without knowing the difference of an anchor to keep my boat from straying, or if in fact to sink me.

 

tell me you need me

 

instead you keep me guessing. with no courage.