a dark gloom against your back

… makes you notice things you never did before.

the way the wind blows through everything.

the consistent hum of the road.

grumbling sounds of motorcyclist’s zooming by.  airplanes thunder in the sky.

the way the clouds light up in the evening light.

the hum of the wind

and twinkling sound of the sun-kissed leaves.

the sky turns when you look at it.  if you watched it enough you would see it passing right by you

and when the evenings lights start to glow.

the chilliness in the air refreshes you.

gives you life.

if only i felt like the gleaming sky.

consistent like all motion.

sidetrack

feeling the movements of my old days.

swaying away from the solidity of now.

wanting an escape, craving an outlet

because the realities of now go far beyond me.  beyond capacity.

so give me a story.  let me ride a love song.  send me to fantasy and back.

sidetrack my worried mind.

 

as i get pushed up against fatality, the realities of what ifs are changing me.

monday june eighteenth

its like the pit of my stomach wasn’t low enough.

it decided it needed to sink lower than my feet

and it decided to pull my heart with it

pull my head with it.

dragging while i clench. holding on.

ohh these movements are starting to feel mechanic.

ohh these mechanics are making me want to lay down and close my eyes.

i’m drifting along these heavy days.  and the skies seem to feel the same way i do.

hiding the suns face.

laying the blanket of clouds across everywhere i go.

10.31

and if i just went away, would you try to find me?

i believe you wouldn’t.  i dont think you love me that much.

if i were to pack my things and run.

where ever…

i could do it, you know.

i would try to be the brave heart i want to be.

i could make everything wrong in this situation right again.

while i weigh out every feeling,

i’m dizzy now.. sick to the core of it.

and lonely.

and i dont know if i am meant to be what you want.

feeling like the failure i usually am.

i dont know if you can be what i need. i dont know how we ever got in this mess.

and the streaks upon my face make no difference in the light of morning.

i cant go back, i cant make you decide different.

tell me the truth. make me believe.

i dont know how to control this.  stop the heartache while my body goes numb.

 

 

 

dizzy now.. sick to the core. and alone.

melody

Melody,

I Play a fool to your passion filled lust. 

There’s no reasoning, I just give.  

Like a love sick manic,

i am fulfilled. 

Waiting patiently, I’m hoping that you’ll build me up. 

Reason has a funny way of playing my heart. 

Just waiting for the beat to grow tiresome. 

I’ll always give you seconds.

immaculate

my spirits fly higher than movements under fire.

violent and emotionless, you can’t see me. but you can feel me.

and i vibrate. between you and i.

breathe heavy. breath heavier as i wrap my legs below your torso.

thoughts provoking motion.

this love below

so feed me your fuel. vibrations beneath our waterbed.

secure. together.

ears flooding silent movement. i love you.

you keep warmer still.

warmer than my feeding heart knows how to compose.

where would i be without you.

tippy toeing like the melody you left behind. oh silent moments.

i transpire still

for you to rescue me again.

and the tremble believes in us.

lovely and immaculate. this find is rare.