Ciara Ashley Johnson

I’ll quit.
I’m not going to be pretty, I’m not going to be nice.
I’ll just quit.
I’ll fall apart, I’ll be anxious. I’ll make quick steps.
I’ll be raw.

I’m going to quit you.
I’ll be circumcised. Cut from the cord.
Craving the glory. Desperate and lovely.
Breaking the bond. Breaking our hearts.

I’ll do it.
I’ll fall apart just to pull my own pieces back together.

Always to start again.

There is such a void,
A discipline like no other.
A dark space wanting to be filled, knowing to be filled.

There is such a lack,
Such removal of luster.
A space playing it safe I can do without.

What a whirlpool,
A grasping moment,
Grasping for no one that wants in return.

Remove the days of catapults
Of fabrications
Of fake lovers.

Please, just remove yourself away from me.

Drip me with sweat
Hold tight to this weakness that hides between my legs.
Love me for every craving moment that we share.

Uncover my hidden eyes.
Seek the deep obsession that broods between you and I.
Adore is a faded word that can’t hold the strength of you and me.

I know nothing more but this.

Right here.
Right now.

You belong here. You are home.

Eyes open in the moons light.
Then is when I find you in my bed.

With the softest of lips kissing the back of my neck.
They graze against my skin,
down towards my collarbone.

Sweet breath creates the perfect tension.
I turn soft for you in this moment.
As you glide your hands down my spine, I roll into your solvent.

I switch lovely to your vibrancy.
I wrap around you like electricity.

I break free from everything that doesn’t matter.
You make me feel.

And I love every minute of it.

Left with my own devices.
I’m sitting. I’m working, worshiping and loving everything my hands can get hold of.

I’m left with my own skin, my own thoughts, my self love.
I’m dissecting and contemplating, I’m wondering in all these movements.

I’m realizing.

I’m okay. I’m faulted, I’m content with that.
I make decisions with good intentions in all their movements.
I want. And I need. I grasp.

I feel.

I’m human.

How easy it is to fall softly into the memory of how you feel.
Such a gift I was given, sultry in our soothing light.
Such a quiet blessing in sweet disguise.
You pull softly in our own escape,
Gentle and slow to every ache.
A Blissful touch to all my thoughts.
I’m begging you for more.

You came in like a lost memory.
Quietly curious, feeling through the cobwebs.
Those cobwebs of forgotten dreams,
Those dreams that are dead now.
The sad ones, the good ones, the confused ones.
They all came in with you, and as you moved your lips,
I couldn’t listen.
I couldn’t forget about the wall I was building.

So I spoke. I said things I’d never meant to say. Things I won’t regret, but things I didn’t need to share.
I said things to hurt you. Because I knew you were only beginning to feel the pain, and I thought perhaps, if I pushed you along, you wouldn’t feel for me anymore.

Goodbye love.

Because in the depths of passion and love and lust,

you can find purity.

I’m in a moment of rest,
A moment of pulse.
A moment of want, it roots deep and sweet.
Quiet always.
Wet always.
Ready always.

I’m in a moment of love,
A moment of lust.
A moment of need, it blooms soft.
Hungry always.
Swollen always.
Fading always.

Glowing light, floods breathe.
Manifest and move all the right moments.
Less distraction, less you.
Mind clear, eyes focused.

Glowing light, floods swallow.
Build castles and behave as expected.
Less love, less you.
Eyes open, mind aware.
Body focused, temple blessed.

Glowing light, floods follow me.