when I feel raw

Sitting in silence
I lay dormant. Patient in my internal battle.
I’m listening, I hear it all. I’m seeing it all, even when I don’t want to.
I’m delicate. So soft now.
I’m realizing I may, one day, want more from you than you can give me. But why would I want to let go of something that feels so good?
I don’t want to set myself up for heartache and disappointment.
I don’t want to let go of so much magic.
So I set myself on fire, even when I shouldn’t.
Even when I know not to.
I burn quietly in the discomfort.
So I can rise again like the Phoenix I am.

But inside I’m screaming.